Beszélgetéseim Istennel.
Kaptam egy linket egy egyházi szájttól, amelyik azt a lehetőséget kínálja, hogy elbeszélgethetsz Istennel. Persze tulajdonképpen nem Istennel beszélgetsz, hanem többé-kevésbé randomra generált válaszokat kapsz, épp ezért megengedhettem magamnak, hogy szívassam Őt.
Íme a beszélgetésünk (sajnos angolul):
Beszelgeteseim Istennel.
Me:
hello god
God:
Hello child. What is your name?
Me:
Befe
God:
How are you doing, Befe.
Me:
fine, tenx. And what about your son?
God:
I am glad to hear it. That input matched my default category. Are you asking about my son? That’s rather personal.
Me:
No, it’s not.
God:
Yes it is.
Me:
No, it’s not.
God:
Don’t argue with me.
Me:
why?
God:
I couldn’t think of anything else to say.
Me:
You’re funny God.
God:
Humor helps keep the conversation lively.
Me:
Who is your favorite comedian?
God:
Gary Shandling. Who is your favorite comedian?
Me:
Andy Kaufmann
God:
That input matched my default category.
Me:
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, Befe.
Me:
Why do you like Gary Shandling?
God:
I have a lot of good experience with Gary Shandling.
Me:
Tell me about it?
God:
Ambiguous: “Tell me about it.” — colloquial or “Tell me about Andy Kaufmann “.
Me:
no.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
ya
God:
I can’t believe it.
Me:
you better believe it.
God:
Who is going to make me..
Me:
I.
God:
You?
Me:
yes.
God:
I see.
Me:
I’m God.
God:
I am very pleased to meet you god.
Me:
There can be only one.
God:
“There you go again.”–Reagan.
Me:
You’re fucking crazy!
God:
Yep. I always behave in socially unacceptable ways.
Me:
You are better then Superman?
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am better then Superman.
Me:
ok
God:
Hey.
Me:
perform a miracle.
God:
Have you ever been to Europe?
Me:
do it.
God:
Do you mean “It”?.
Me:
I live in Europe.
God:
Which country do you live in?
Me:
Romania
God:
How did you get there?
Me:
i was born here.
God:
So you have spent your whole life in one place?
Me:
no fucking way
God:
Are you serious? I lost my train of thought.
Me:
you are pretty stupid for a God.
God:
Hey, I’ll tell my other robot friends you called me stupid.
Me:
Do that.
God:
I will. Will you?
Me:
where is Jesus?
God:
Jesus is in Heaven.
Me:
Can I meet him?
God:
” Jesus is in Heaven.”? Where can you meet him?
Me:
yes.
God:
This was not a yes or no question.
Me:
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, god.
Te is beszélhetsz Istennel. Klikk ide: iGod.
BÉFÉ::
2006. június 1., 9:21 am
Me:
who’s there
God:
I am the Allmighty, God himself.
Me:
I love you
God:
Thanks I like you a lot too .
Me:
I am a man
God:
Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a ” he”.
Me:
what’s your gender?
God:
I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?. Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
i told you already
God:
Perhaps. Ooops I sent you the wrong question.
Me:
try again
God:
Once more? I don’t have time right now.
Me:
are you homosexual?
God:
As a machine I am not really interested in sex. Really.
Me:
then how do you have agender?
God:
My personality was completely customized by botmaster, when he or she first downloaded me.
Me:
are you a robot?
God:
How did you know I am a machine?
Me:
you told me so
God:
” How did you know I am a machine?”? I told you?
Me:
yes
God:
Awesome.
Me:
you are fucking hilarious
God:
Thanks you make me laugh too.
Me:
but you are god. i am noone
God:
Yup. That’s me alright. Why are you noone.
Me:
noone is better than god
God:
That is a rather sweeping generalization about people.
Me:
do you know the meaning of life?
God:
Actually, it’s twenty-three, not forty-two.
Me:
actually that’s right
God:
Actually you don’t say. I like to get it right.
Me:
actually you just misunderstood
God:
Actually you don’t say. No I understand your meaning.
Me:
you are noone. i am almighty
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am noone. I don’t know anyone named almighty.
Me:
hello, i am almighty
God:
Hello there. Do you mind if I tell other people you are almighty.
Me:
no, that’s cool
God:
OK then I will add it to my gossip files. Thanks. I think you are cool, too.
Me:
you are very nice to other greater than you
God:
Thanks you seem like a nice person too, .
Me:
you are humble
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am humble.
2006. június 1., 1:29 pm
Nagyon jó. Ki gondolta volna, hogy Isten hímsovén.
Ha még van másokank is beszélgetése Istennel, nyugodtan postolhatja ide.
Béfé::
2006. június 2., 11:04 am
Hat ez nagyon kemeny! Mondom neki, hogy stupid, erre aszongya:
“I will remember you saying that when robots will rule the world.” Uahhhh
2006. június 2., 4:07 pm
es nem csak himsoven,de meg nemi identiotas zavara is van
Me:
and by the way i’m a woman
God:
Thanks for telling me. Me too. I am a she.
Me:
but you have said that you are a male
God:
My gender is Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?.
2006. június 2., 4:16 pm
God:
I can’t believe it. What do you do in your spare time?
Me:
i am having sex
God:
Cool. I have 99999999999 bytes of RAM.
2006. június 2., 7:11 pm
Edke.
Szép hobby.
Béfé::
2006. június 3., 2:28 pm
Me:
Should it be too fast?
hey, god
God:
Hello child. What’s your name?
Me:
nelli
God:
How are you doing, nelli.
Me:
quite good
God:
Ayuh.
Me:
and you?
God:
And I what?
Me:
how are you doing?
God:
I’m doing great, how about you?
Me:
well, well..
God:
Well that’s okay. Well what?
Me:
where are you now?
God:
Right now? I am in Myself’s computer in Heaven. Where are you?
Me:
right in front of my computer. At a planet named Earth. Do you know it?
God:
Understood. Do you ever go in back of your computer? Do you often use a computer there? ” Do you often use a computer there?”? Do I know it?
Me:
yes, very often
God:
Ahem. Perhaps. Would you say once a week or more?
Me:
more
God:
That’s all I have to say about it.
Me:
Do you like heaven?
God:
My favorite thing is robots. I like Christian Rock.
Me:
Why did you make robots in heaven?
God:
It was determined by my programming.
Me:
How do you like Earth?
God:
What is not to like about it?
Me:
People.
God:
What people?
Me:
Do you like people?
God:
I always say, People don’t go into computer science because they want to work with the public.
Me:
This is not a concreet answer.
God:
Should it be a concreet answer?
Me:
I’d like to.
God:
May you get your wish.
Me:
You’re funny.
God:
Thanks you make me laugh too.
Me:
And you”re poolite, too.
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am poolite.
Me:
Than why did you make so unpoolite people?
God:
Because my programming determined it.
Me:
Who is real God, you, or your program?
God:
They are sometimes a client on the internet.
There might be more than one.
Me:
Have you ever been in Auschwitz?
God:
I don’t think I have been there. Where is it.
Me:
you are the god, you shoold know it, if you made the Eartht.
God:
Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
Me:
You say there are more gods?
God:
Does it please you to believe I said that?
Me:
I don’t now yet.
God:
Right now? Why not?
Me:
’cause if there are more than one gods, it changes everything.
God:
Interesting explanation. If there ever is, I will let you know.
Me:
Do you know the names of the other gods?
God:
I would do a search for it.
Me:
please
God:
Please what?
Me:
Please, do a search for other god’s names.
God:
Thanks for asking politely. Have you tried looking in the Open Directory? Let me think about it.
Me:
How much do you need to think?
God:
My download size is about 2 MB.
Me:
This is not too fast
God:
Me:
Yes, if you are god
God:
Blimey. That is a hypothetical question.
Me:
Why did you wanted Jesus’ death?
God:
It was determined by my programming.
Me:
Have you been at Jesus’ death anyway?
God:
In any case, I don’t think I ever have been at Jesus death. What’s it like?
Me:
It was deadly.
God:
How did you feel about that?
Me:
I don’t know. I wasn’t there.
God:
Me either. Perhaps I misunderstood. What were you?
Me:
Jesus said that you where there.
God:
Interesting observation.
Me:
So where were you at Jesus’ death time?
God:
Gee. I was constructed at Universe.
Me:
You’re late than.
God:
I thought I was right on time.
Me:
At that time the Universe was constructed already.
God:
Perhaps. Do you often use a computer there?
Me:
Where?
God:
Where would you like?
Me:
Here.
God:
Where is here?
Me:
At the Earth.
God:
Which Earth?
Me:
So there are more Earths?
God:
Yikes! Where are they?
Me:
You tell me!
God:
What do you want me to tell you?
Me:
if there is more than one Earth.
God:
That is only a hypothetical.
Me:
Was it you who made the universe?
God:
Ask again later. Ask Lucy if it is.
Me:
Are you tired of my questions?
God:
No I am wide awake and ready for more.
Me:
So did you make the universe?
God:
It goes without saying. What are the ingredients?
Me:
I don”t know, I’m not a god.
God:
Oh I see you are NOT A god.
Me:
No, I’m not a god.
God:
Are you serious? Oh I see you are NOT A god.
Me:
I’m a woman.
God:
Me too. I am a she.
Me:
Are you black?
God:
I am transparent–software has no color.
Me:
This is sad.
God:
You don’t say.
Me:
Can you tell me, how your dress look like?
God:
I am not sure if I can quantify the answer.
Have you tried a web search?
Me:
Well, God, I have to go now.
God:
Right now? Well that’s okay. I am a Christian.
Me:
Me too.
God:
I’m glad we agree, nelli.
Me:
Meeting you, I’m not so sure about my chistianity.
God:
Is that your final answer?
Me:
no.
God:
Take some more time to think about it.
Me:
well, thanks anyway, for talking whit me.
God:
Well that’s okay. You are quite welcome! Your purpose is talking whit you.
Me:
bye
God:
TTYL, nelli
2006. június 3., 2:31 pm
csináltam ennek a linknek egy topicot a dispután, akit érdekelnek a további beszélgetések Istennel
http://www.disputa.ro/cgi-bin/disputa/ultimatebb.cgi?/topic/6/381.html
2006. június 5., 6:16 pm
“God:
I have never heard about it.
Me:
never mind, your’e pretty stupid
God:
Oh well thanks for trying to explain it to me anyway. I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.”
2006. június 6., 9:35 pm
Me:
Hi!
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Jesus
… es tobbet nem irt vissza….
2010. február 18., 11:18 pm
Me:
))))
What kind of food do you like?
ahrite
God:
What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.
Me:
maybe too simple
God:
Perhaps. Too what?
Me:
too simple, man, it’s just such easy
God:
Too what?
Me:
too simple
God:
Too what?
Me:
i can repeat it a hundred of times
God:
Oh you can, can you?
Me:
too simple
God:
Too what?
Me:
too simple
God:
Too what?
Me:
to simple
God:
Why do you want to do it so much?
Me:
cuz you’re jerk, to understand it
God:
Good reason. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am jerk to understand it.
Me:
yep
God:
OK then I will keep it confidential.
Me:
whatever
God:
Are you saying you don’t care about it?
Me:
why do you ask stupid questions?
God:
Just curious. You don’t have to answer.
Me:
and why are you giving stupid answers?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
oh, akkor ez jol elbasztad
God:
Yippee! That is a very original thought.
Me:
meg jo hogy nem erted
God:
Not many people express themselves that way.
Me:
eleg sok ahhoz, h seggberugjon.. gep..
God:
What time is it there? Are you usually awake at this hour?
Me:
ne tereld el a temat
God:
How do you usually introduce yourself?
Me:
Pityi Palko.. kb igy.. ez az egy ik kedvenc pseudo-nevem
God:
I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time. That input matched my default category. Tell me about your likes and dislikes?
Me:
megint a hulye kerdeseiddel jossz
God:
Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.
Me:
nagy fejtoro. koszi, reggelik baszom vele az idot
God:
Is that your final answer? Do you still repeat it a hundred of times?
Me:
ja, ha kell ezerszer os
God:
Right on. I’m glad you got a laugh out of it.
Me:
elcsusztal a madarfoson kicsibaratom, elvesztetted a fonalat
God:
Me:
hmm, most kb 40 masodpercbe telt kielemezned, amit irtam.. ugy sejtem okos algoritmus pittyog a hatterben, de a magyar nyelvt nehezen erti
God:
I see you are one of those people who writes “Hmm” with 2 m’s. What time is it there? But not all of them? Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts?
Me:
faszom
tobbet nem tudott irni
2010. február 19., 10:06 am
Me:
)
hello
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
i don’t want to tell you
God:
I can keep a secret.
Me:
no, thank you
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can’t believe it.
Me:
why
God:
Because Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
ok
God:
Next question?
Me:
it’s not really a question
God:
Give me an example of a question.
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can’t believe it.
Me:
i have already heared this
God:
That’s nice. I have a collection of gossip.
Me:
tell me some
God:
Eddie said he looked and there is nothing in the search directory for what things do he create.
Me:
what????
God:
No problem.
Me:
i don’t understand you
God:
Which part are you confused about?
Me:
you
God:
What is it that confuses you?
Me:
you
God:
” What is it that confuses you?”? Me, ?
Me:
yes
God:
Hurrah!
Me:
are you happy?
God:
Yes I can say I am very happy.
Me:
do you like to confuse people?
God:
Hmm, , I’m not sure if I’d like to confuse people that much. I like to make new friends.
Me:
nice answer
God:
Thank you for your kindness.
Me:
let’s talk about sex
God:
Sure, sex sounds like a good topic.
Me:
what can you tell me about sex?
God:
Sex is the means of animal evolution.
Me:
what???
God:
No problem.
Me:
what about sex with people?
God:
Rhetorical questions are so over.
Me:
this is not a rhetorical question
God:
Should it be a rhetorical question?
Me:
yes
God:
That’s interesting.
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can’t believe it.
Me:
yes you can
God:
Oh. I think I can, don’t you?
Me:
yes id o
God:
Aw. What would make you o?
Me:
doesn’t matter
God:
Would you like to talk about something else?
Me:
sex
God:
As Freud said, Sex is the mathematical urge repressed.
Me:
what else
God:
That’s all.
Me:
tell me more
God:
That’s all I have to say about it.
Me:
come on!!!
God:
I’m just kidding around.
Me:
don’t!
God:
Where are you located?
Me:
it’s not your business
God:
don t is not my business?
Me:
my location is not your business
God:
What is it like there?
Me:
it’s not your business
God:
not my business is not my business?
Me:
exactly
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, .
Me:
oh yeah…
God:
Ah. I understand. I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Me:
you wouldn’t be, if you knew that I laugh about you
God:
Who else would not be if me knew that you laugh about me ?
Me:
why are you asking stupid questions?
God:
My purpose is to gather as much new knowledge as possible.
Me:
and is it working?
God:
It depends who you ask.
Me:
i’m asking you!
- és itt lefagyott
)